Wednesday, November 22, 2017 - 3 Rabi' al-Awwal 1439
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My mother asks me to make a choice between her and my husband

I have been married for 8 months now and my mother dislikes my husband and asks me to make a choice between them?

Answer

Dear sister,
We understand the confusion that you are in as you are trying to be a good loving daughter to your mother and at the same time you are keen on keeping your marriage intact as you do not wish to leave your husband.

The fact of the matter is that in Islam, God commanded us to deal kindly with our parents and show them our utmost compassion and mercy as they are the reason for our existence. On the other hand, God did not permit for us to obey our parents blindly in matters which are opposite to our creedal beliefs and personal interests. In matters of marriage, traveling for work or obtaining education for example, the opinion of the parents should only remain consultative and not an obligation that their children should abide by. Children should be raised up by their parents to become independent adults who are able to make vital decisions in their lives and they should turn to their parents for guidance and consultation without feeling compelled to comply with the opinion of their parents.

That being said, we should also give great attention to the opinion of our parents as they are more experienced in life and therefore have more wisdom and foresight than the next generation. Thus we should not dismiss their opinion as irrelevant but we should listen closely with full attention and then weigh our options and look at the whole situation from a wider perspective. Only then we would be able to make an educated decision. Parents from their side should not force their daughters and sons to abide by their advice and they should respect the individual choices as adults. Parents tend to look at their sons and daughters as children who need direction at every step of the way no matter how old their children get.

Thus you need to be patient with your mother and remain kind to her. Also you need to dig deeper to figure out the reason why she dislikes your husband. Is it because the way he treats her or is it because she might be feeling unwelcomed in your house? There must be a reason behind her opinion and you need to figure it out.
Also you need to get your husband to pay extra attention to the needs of your mother and to win her acceptance through good treatment, nice compliments and beautiful gifts until she feels satisfied with this marriage. You can’t afford to lose your mother or make her upset and that is why you have to keep trying to gain her approval no matter how long the process will take.

The most important step of all this is to keep praying and supplicating to God to win the heart of your mother and to gain her approval. Finally, we don’t recommend you to leave your husband if you don’t have any reason which drives you to such disastrous conclusion of severing the marital ties with your husband. Keep trying over and over again with your mother until she feels satisfied with your decision. We are sure that once your mother realizes how hard you and your husband try to make her feel welcomed and happy, she will respect your choice. Also you should express to your mother that you are happy with your husband and you don’t find any faults in your life with him that you need to correct through getting a divorce. We pray that your mother get convinced with your choice and we hope you all lead a blissful life.

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