Thursday, November 23, 2017 - 4 Rabi' al-Awwal 1439

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Ruining the couple's life by the constant interference of the wife's parents

Ruining the couple's life by the constant interference of the wife's parents

Answer

Such a situation does not happen overnight. It is the result of an accumulation of problems; no party is usually free of blame. Everyone makes mistakes, and unfortunately when tension rises, people tend to think of the mistakes of others and forget their good deeds. The writer acknowledges that at one stage he behaved in an insulting manner to his wife’s parents. Well, he cannot expect his wife’s parents to be friendly with him if he insults them. Therefore, if they and his wife are now taking a tough stand, it is because they feel that he was in the wrong. They are not likely to look at their own mistakes in the same way that he overlooks his.

In such a situation, it is always useful to resort to the method God prescribes in the Quran. He says: “If you have reason to fear that a breach may occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people. If they both want to set things aright, God will bring about their reconciliation. God is indeed All-knowing, aware of all things” [4: 35]

The important thing in all of this is that both husband and wife should want to reconcile. With such an intention, God promises to guide them toward its fulfillment.

People often do not give any thought to this procedure and instead rush into divorce. Divorce is a very serious step and must never be taken without careful thought. It should be the last resort when everything else has failed. Arbitration by two wise people, one from each family, has the advantage of reconciling a family, with everyone trying their best to accommodate the other.

In the case of our reader, he feels that he must not make the first step and apologize for something he did not do. The wife’s parents may insist that without his apology, their daughter will not return to her husband. The arbiters could overcome all of this in a manner that preserves the dignity of all involved.

 

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