Question
I am a Pakistani guy and I am in love with an Egyptian girl. Her mother refuses me due to having a different nationality. What can I do?

Answer

Dear brother,

Marriage in Islam is a sacred union that is based on mercy, love, respect and mutual understanding along with intellectual compatibility and social adequacy. Inter cultural marriages usually face the problem of differences in the cultural background of the two couple; for this reason the families of one or the two parties usually act conservatively and hesitantly out of fear of potential problems resulting from these cultural differences. As legitimate as their fears might be, the role of parents should be limited to giving advice out of care and love but not out of force or compulsion.

This means that the ultimate decision of getting married should be determined only by the two of you. On the other hand it would be very hard for your girl to get married without her mother’s blessings. Therefore it would be of utter importance to prove yourself to her mother in all possible ways. You should absorb her fears through showing your moral characteristics and your love for her daughter. You must also show her mother kindness and understanding as giving her daughter to a man from another nationality is not a usual course of action that a mother would approve off easily.

You should pay the mother regular visits and talk to her extensively and openly in all issues of concern and ask her to give you at least a fair chance by agreeing on the engagement which is a good period for both you and your girl to prove your level of understanding, commitment and keenness to be together. Also it would give the mother the opportunity to witness all this first hand.

It is equally important throughout all this process to keep supplicating to Allah the Almighty to guide you and your girl to the best route and to attain all the goodness in this world and the hereafter. Rest assured that if your marriage to this girl is meant to happen and will lead to your happiness, Allah will soften the heart of her mother and she would dearly accept you as her son in law. But if after exhausting all the possible ways to convince her mother and after spending your time and effort in praying yet nothing seems to change in the mother’s attitude, then it would only be the manners of gentlemen to leave the girl if she cannot get married without her mother’s consent. It would be best for the two of you to go in your separate ways as you both are in this case not destined to be together and as Allah the Almighty says in the Quran, “Verily you may hate a matter whereas a great goodness lies within it” (4:19)

Islam does not differentiate between people based on their nationalities, skin color or cultural background as the only scale for virtue among people is by piety. Therefore people should not be subjected to discrimination in treatment based on their ethnic origin.

I would advise you to continue praying to God to guide your heart to what is best for you and to ask your man to make up his mind and take his decision so you can both live happily together or for each of you to start a new life and go into separate ways. May God grant you happiness in this life and the hereafter. Amin