I want to divorce my husband and I would like to go through the first steps which are marital counseling. He does not want a divorce but he has not been the worst husband but he has been a severe liar from day one and misrepresented himself to me therefore I feel as though I wasn’t given my right to make an educated decision to marry him. I tried to move past his lies but he continues to lie one after the other. I cannot keep overlooking his lying ways. Can you tell me what grounds I need in order to leave this marriage?

Marrying a liar is a sufficient ground for you to seek divorce. At the time of the Prophet, a woman came to the prophet seeking divorce from her husband and she confessed that she did not accuse her husband of any lack of ethics or religion but she simply does not love him and that was a sufficient ground for seeking divorce. The prophet agreed and asked her to give him back his dowry because she did not initiate divorce based on harm so she agreed to return back the dowry and he divorced her. What I am trying to say is that you have a solid reason to seek divorce as lies build an environment of insecurity and distrust which can never form concrete bases for a healthy marriage.

I sense a tone of anger in your message which is understandable as you feel betrayed and sort of tricked into this marriage without being able to make an educated decision as you said. On the other hand I really would like you to honestly ask yourself, how do you evaluate your marriage right now, what are the pros and cons of your husband? Is being a liar the only thing that drives you away from him? What are the issues that he lies about? What does motivate him to lie? Did you talk to him about the seriousness of his lies and it can very well be threatening to your marriage? If you exhausted all means of reconciliation and all your efforts of communication were in vain and you couldn’t bear no longer being married to him then the option of divorce seems like the right option for you.

Message or Question

I am a muslim woman, can I marry a christian man w/o him converting

The Muslim woman is not eligible to marry a non Muslim man because of the religious responsibility that the husband in Islam is expected to bear. In Islam the husband must respect the religion of his wife even if she does not share his religious convictions. He has no right to prevent her from her own ritual worship or deprive her from going to her houses of worship like the church or the synagogue. Also the husband in Islam has no right whether implicitly or explicitly to convince let alone force his non Muslim wife to convert to Islam. All these religious responsibilities are asked by the Muslim husband towards his non Muslim wife and for this reason the non Muslim woman should not be afraid of getting married to a Muslim man because he is asked by his own religion to respect her religious beliefs. Also Islam as a religion believes in the divine origin of Christianity and Judaism and a lot of common values are shared among the three Abrahamic faiths. Also Muslims hold and revere both Moses and Jesus and believe in them as prophets of God. All this religious background that the Muslim husband has, gives immense assurance for the non Muslim wife that her religion will remain intact without any potential jeopardy.

Your case is the total opposite. In Christianity, there is no obligation for the Christian man to respect the religion of his non Christian woman. Christianity does not believe in Islam being a religion or in Prophet Muhammad as the final prophet of God. In other words, there is no guarantee for your religion to remain intact without any potential jeopardy.

Another important aspect is that Islam is not just simply a religion in which you are only required to fast a month in the year and pray fives times a day and you are off the hook. Islam in essence is much more comprehensive; it is a life style and a paradigm of ethics and values which husband and wife share together to build a healthy family. These bases are not naturally found when you marry a non Muslim man.